Who I Was
by msgone
Summary: Slipping on the unfamiliar surface he forced his body to move on, unforgiving torrents of rain not-withstanding. He was lost and alone, trapped with not but his mind and memories to torment him. Sick and weakened he falls into the clutches of a small family that's only just getting its footing. With some TLC and understanding he might finally be able to piece himself back together
1. Chapter 1

Ok… This is my first Avengers fic… I'm not 100% sure where I'm going with this yet.. It was a thought that popped into my head and wouldn't leave it alone... I can't promise regular updates, but I will try… Oh… and I don't own anything Marvel related... just my OC, Ava. I do promise lots of Loki whump.

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Who I Was

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He couldn't remember a time where he'd felt so cold. Walking around aimlessly for days on end was taking a toll on his exhausted body. He'd been cast out, so much so like his brother, no his not-brother. Powerless, weak, they were conditions that he wasn't used to, that he despised. He tried to tighten his hold on his lithe body to stop the shivering, but nothing helped. He had no magic, no armor, just his leathers, boots and a thin tunic. The rain was freezing and it had been this way for a couple days. At least he thought it had been a couple days, they were starting to run together. It was hard to concentrate. He'd counted himself lucky when he found the road, less so when he hadn't encountered a soul in all the while he'd been walking. He knew he was in Midgard, but not where. His feet felt ungainly and sought for purchase on the slick road. As luck would have it, he slipped and fell into the unforgiving pavement. The days without sustenance finally caught up to him, and he found that he had barely the energy to lift his body from where it fell. His arms shook with the effort of hefting his body up to a crawl and started laughing. The laugh quickly turned into a painful cough and he wheezed trying to catch his breath. He only managed to drag himself a few feet when his vision started to blur. There was a light coming around the turn in the road and he cursed his weakness for not being able to wave whoever was in the vehicle down. At this point he didn't care who it was that found him. Wounded pride be damned, he knew he needed help.

The light was blinding as he saw it bearing down on him, it stopped moving, and he crashed down to the pavement again. He fell with his head facing the lights and saw the silhouette of legs running toward him. His breaths were still coming in painful gasps as he realized that someone was talking. Female, she had a soothing voice. He was being rolled onto his back and his hair pushed away from his face. He felt hands cup his face - it had been far too long since someone had been this gentile with him. He felt tears begin to sting his eyes and mix with the rain. He couldn't focus on her face with his vision blurred. Suddenly she was very close.

"Can you hear me?" she asked loudly. He started to say something to her but upon opening his mouth all he could do was cough. Gut wrenching, gasping coughs that left him nearly incapacitated in their wake.

"Okay, just nod you head for yes and shake it for no," she said. He nodded his head. "Good. Do you think you can walk?" He was hesitant this time, but nodded.

She traced the cuts and bits of broken skin that adorned the parts of his body that she could see. "Someone got you pretty good, didn't they?" she asked as she cupped his face again. This time he was trembling and his teeth chattered. "Come on, I'll help you to your feet then we can get you some place dry and warm. Sound good to you?"

He jerkily nodded his head this time. She helped him into a sitting position where he immediately clutched her and closed his eyes with a groan turned cough. She was patient with him though. Once his cough settled down again she placed one of his arms across her shoulders and her arms around his torso. He hated being so insufferably weak, but it appeared that was how his father, no, his not-father wanted him to be. All thoughts of his "not-family" left his mind as the girl lifted him up to his feet. He whimpered as his legs tried to buckle under him again, but she was quick to stop his fall. He didn't remember his body hurting this badly before he fell.

"Come on, I know it must hurt and your head's probably spinning, but the faster I get you to my truck, the faster I can get you home."

She began dragging him toward her vehicle, and he was ashamed that he could barely move himself to help her. It was as if his body wanted to shut down now that he had help. He wanted to laugh at the idea of her getting him home. He didn't have one. No one would have a monster like him. If she knew who he was and what he had done she would have left him to the fates on the road. When they reached the side of her vehicle, his world started to spin, and his stomach, though empty, betrayed him. He couldn't stop the plummet to his knees as his body heaved, but all there was to be relieved of was frothy stomach acid and bile. After a few moments he became aware of himself again. He was gasping for air and shuddering violently. Only then did he realize that he was leaning heavily on the girl and she was rubbing his back, and whispering to him that he was going to be alright, that she would take care of him until he was better. Why, why would she do that for him? She didn't know him, he was nothing to her. He couldn't even blame it on sentiment. He didn't understand. These were his last thoughts as she pulled him back up to his feet. This time the change in his altitude was too much for his body to handle. He tried to grasp onto consciousness, but his weary and battered body couldn't take anymore. His eyes rolled back and his body slumped forward onto the girl.

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He woke inside of a large vehicle. His face was being wiped with something soft. The soothing gesture almost sent him back into a doze. He was feeling overly warm and had a pressure in his chest that felt as though something weighted was upon it. His eyes fluttered open as he tried to take in his surroundings.

"Hey, you're okay. You're going to be okay now." The girl said looking him in the eyes. They were a familiar color. Who had he seen with those same toffee colored eyes? They were filled with so much compassion and maybe a splash of pity. He felt tears pricking his eyes again. His body was succumbing to mortal illness. He was ashamed and scared. He was at the mercy of whatever this fey creature would do to him. It was almost as though she read his mind.

"I'm not going to hurt you." she said as she ran her thumb over his cheek. "Can you speak? What's your name, hun? I'm Ava."

"Lo….Lok…" his body was consumed by a coughing fit.

"Ok, we'll wait on that… I'll just call you Lo for now, okay?" He nodded thankful he didn't need to speak again.

"Jarvis, take us back to the ranch, try to get a doctor out there, and let Tony know that I'm not going to be able to make it for my visit for a while."

"Right away Miss Stark." The voice said, making Loki's breath hitch.


	2. Chapter 2

_Blah blah blah, disclaimer, blah blah blah_

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Who I Was

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Chapter 2

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Ava looked down at Lo and was taken aback. He was wide eyed, wheezing rapidly, and trying to feebly move away from her.

"Hey, what's wrong? I told you I'm not going to hurt you," she said as the vehicle began moving. She grabbed his hand thinking that he was delirious and needing comfort. He snatched his hand away trying to put distance between them. She cocked her head to the side thinking what could have set him off.

"Miss Stark there is a call for you from Mr. Stark."

Ava groaned and kept an eye on Lo. His eyed widened further at the mention of Tony, curious.

"Put him through Jarvis."

"Ava what's going on?"

"Tony, brother dearest," she said rolling her eyes, "What can I do for you?"

"Well, you can explain to me how you're the only woman on this planet that is able to resist my charms. What could possibly be more important than me?"

"Well, to answer your first question, I'm immune, you know, something about the same DNA just kills the libido, and then there is a secondly and thirdly."

"Well have at it then."

"There is a road block because of the weather. They're worried about floods and iced roads since this long rain storm has begun turning to sleet." She was cut off by Tony and rolled her eyes.

"But the truck can transform to an all-terrain vehicle, you could drive up the side of a mountain safely."

Ava chuckled to herself because she could hear the pout in his voice, "Well, there is the thirdly that I didn't get a chance to explain. I don't think that 'Bumble Bee' here would be smooth enough travel for my patient."

"Wait, what… patient?"

"Yeh, I was on the way back to the ranch when I chanced upon someone in the middle of the road. He's been through Hell Tony. I asked Jarvis to get a doctor out to the ranch, but in this weather I think I might be on my own."

Ava unconsciously grabbed Lo's hand again, this time she didn't meet any resistance. She looked at his face and saw that he was unconscious.

Sighing, she told Tony, "He's unconscious again from the looks of it. I haven't even made it back home yet Tony."

"Alright, alright, I'll let you get home. Just…" he trailed off. "Tell anyone that I said this and I'll deny it, but I miss you."

Ava smirked, "Can't have that now, can we?"

"Shut up, call me if you need anything."

"You know I will Tony."

"Okay, I love your face."

Ava laughed loudly and Lo twitched against her, "Really? I guess the great Tony Stark still has trouble with the 'L' word. That's okay, 'I love your ass' too Tony."

"It's awesome isn't it?"

Ava rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time, "Bye, Tony." And the line disconnected.

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Loki had only blacked out again for a moment, but when he came to he heard her talking about him.

"…been through Hell Tony…" he phased out the conversation a bit until he felt her grab his hand and hold it gently. The loud laughing caught him off guard and he flinched, silently cursing himself. A moment later he felt cool fingers on his too warm face. He sighed and began coughing again as he tried to curl into a ball.

"Miss Stark, we are arriving."

"Thank you Jarvis, and how many times do I need to tell you that my name isn't Stark, it's Barrow."

"Apologies Ava, would you like to me to address you as such?"

"Just Ava is fine Jarvis."

"Acknowledged."

Loki quirked his eyebrow at this, she was Stark's kin, but they didn't share the name.

"So, you know my brother."

It wasn't a question, but a statement, and it made Loki flinch as he looked up at Ava wide eyed. He slowly nodded his head.

"You didn't get along."

Loki shook his head as he eyed her. She sighed as the back of the truck opened and she moved to exit.

"Then I feel like I should only warn you that I was on my way to visit him for the holidays when I found you. There is a very real possibility that he will don his Iron Man suit and pay me a visit for standing him up. "

She eyed him suspiciously for a moment and noticed how he stopped breathing and fear etched itself in his eyes. When he started to tremble, she decided to comfort him. She crawled back up to him to help sit him up.

"Hey, come on, I'm not going to give you sanctuary for a spell without making sure that is exactly what it is. I don't care what disagreements the two of you have gotten into in the past. Obviously it's pretty bad from the way you're reacting. I won't let anything happen, okay."

Loki wanted to believe her. Everything about her posture, her voice, and her eyes all showed that she was being sincere. She was Stark's sister though. He was in no condition to protect himself much less speak without choking. He felt her hand slide into his again as her arm went around his back. The almost embrace was somewhat soothing.

"I know it's hard. You seem like the kind that doesn't trust easily, but will you at least trust me to help get you back on your feet?

What choice did he really have? He was almost as helpless as a babe. He let out a wheezed sigh and looked her in the eye. He nodded. It was only a matter of time before he ran into any member of the Avengers while he was here on this godforsaken rock. Stark seemed like he would be the least of his worries due to his patented 'I do what I want' attitude. He couldn't let himself hope to avoid punishment from the humans. Especially SHIELD. If they found out he was back, he would disappear, only to be found by Heimdall, if someone bothered to look for him at all. In his current 'condition' they might even be able to kill him. He shuddered at the idea of death.

"Alright, let's get you out of there and inside where it's warm. You've got a pretty high fever. How long were you out there for? It's been raining for days." She watched as he just shrugged. His eyes were unfocused and glassy. Not good. As they neared the edge of the vehicle, they both heard a very familiar sound.

"Miss Stark, dear, don't you know it's rude to keep your guests waiting?"

She mumbled curses under her breath. She looked at Lo to see that he had frozen. "Hey, look at me, you will be fine." He met her eyes with unbridled fear. Then she cocked her head and shouted back.

"It's Barrow! Not Stark!"

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_A/N: So… thoughts on the chapters so far? Does it fit? I know Loki's a little OOC, but well, he's sick, he's mortal, he's depressed. What else can I say?_

_I hope I am doing Stark justice with my take on him!_


	3. Chapter 3

Ok, so being sick and in pain during the holidays is a major bummer.. That being said… I am trying to work on the story as much as possible since my job took one look at me yesterday and sent me home.. Who knew being white as a sheet and constantly purging your stomach could do that.. hm..

Who I Was

Chapter 3

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Ava winked at Lo before turning around and facing her brother. "Tony dear, you're becoming predictable in your old age."

Tony looked back at her shocked. "You think I look old?"

Ava laughed. "Vain as always, I see," she made to sit down in front of Lo to shield him from Tony's view. "I have some ground rules."

Tony cocked his head to the side as he listened.

"It has come to my attention that you know each other. There will be no fighting. As I understand that you two don't see eye to eye. My guest has been unable to explain to me a great many things. Tony if you are here you will help." She smirked and used Tony's favorite phrase, "My house, my rules."

The glare that she received would've melted metal. She was happy that Tony had taken off the Ironman suit.

"If you've got Justin Hammer in there, all bets are off." Tony said as he quirked an eyebrow at her.

"No, not at all, his name starts with an 'L', Lo is all he could get out."

Tony narrowed his eyes and started to walk forward. It had been a little over two years since New York. Shortly after that is when he learned that he had a sister. It couldn't possibly be Loki. He was supposed to be in Asgard being punished. Though, no one had heard from Thor in almost a year. Maybe something did happen. Tony had his doubts about Loki's participation/leadership of the failed invasion, but no one would even discuss it with him except Bruce. Some things just weren't adding up. Tony was ripped from that line of thinking by the most the most pathetic sounding cough and groan he'd heard. He gently moved his sister to the side and peered into the back of the truck. There, laying in a small a ball as he could manage, shivering, was Loki. There was a towel thrown around him that he clutched at trying to stay warm. Loki had been thin before, now he was gaunt. There were several cuts on his person and at least one large gash on his arm. Torture, his mind supplied. It looked like he might have a few broken digits as well.

"Jarvis, run a body scan," he said in barely a whisper.

"Right away, sir," the A.I. said just as quietly.

He remembered the feel of long cold fingers around his throat and a hissing voice telling him that we would all fall before him moments before he was sent careening through his own window. He shook his head at the memory and sat down beside Loki. Gone was the air of superiority, he looked more like a child just out of adolescence. Loki's cheeks were flushed, so Tony reached out to feel his forehead. He was as hot as an oven. As Tony was moving his hand away Loki's eyes shot open and he let out a pitiable whimper trying to move away.

"Whoa, hey, hey, not gonna hurt you." Tony said as he raised his hands. "You look like you need some help, buddy."

"Sir, the scan is complete. His internal organs are hard to decipher as he isn't human, but it doesn't appear that they are damaged. He has several fractured bones, lacerations and a concussion. He also has a fever of 103.4."

"Oh my God," Ava whispered as she covered her mouth with her hand.

Tony almost forgot that Ava was there. "Well you've found one God of Mischief sis, this is Loki."

"As in the same guy that threw you out of your own window? I'm going to have to teach him how to high five aren't I?"

Ignoring the look of indignation that Tony shot her, Ava bypassed the back of the SUV and opened the nearest door to Loki. She placed a hand on his shoulder, earning her a flinch. He maneuvered so he could look behind to see her. She smiled and squeezed gently.

"You ready to get out of there?" she paused waiting for his response. Once he nodded to her she slid into the truck behind him. "You think you can stand on your own this time?"

Loki turned his gaze downward looking slightly shamed and shook his head no. Ava gently placed her hand against his face and made him look up to her. "Loki, it's okay. Nothing to be ashamed of, you're hurt, and you're sick. It doesn't matter to me who you are or what you've done. I can tell by Tony's reaction that he doesn't take kindly to your treatment. You're safe here."

Should Loki dare to let himself believe that one of his enemies no less was willing to take him in, without turning him in? The girl was far more easily trusted than Stark. They didn't have a history. Oh, but only if they knew the truth. Loki could scarcely believe the truth, so twisted it was in his mind. He remembered Thor throwing him through a portal and falling to Midgard. Thor didn't follow though. If he was pursuing, wouldn't he follow? Where was the portal from? How did Thor even know how to summon a portal? The buzzing of his mind was beginning to make him dizzy. He lost his footing and started to fall. Footing, when had he gotten out of the vehicle? Something was very wrong, he didn't just lose time.

"Okay, walking is a no-go."

Unexpectedly, Loki found himself in the arms of Tony Stark. Had he really gotten so slight that he could be picked up as though he were a small woman? Despite his wariness, he was so very weary. He didn't feel threatened and Stark was warm. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept, the last time he'd felt safe. Was he safe, was that really how he felt? He'd learned to tune out the pain in his body a long while ago; maybe if he closed his eyes for a spell it would be alright. Just a few minutes, it couldn't hurt, could it?

Tony felt Loki go slack in his arms and let out a light chuckle. "He must be out of it, he just fell asleep. Who would have thought that Mischief was cuddly?"

"Well, if everything I've heard from you and the others is right, not many people would've taken the time out to learn. Don't forget that he's ill, he might have been fighting to stay awake and it was just a losing battle."

"So where are you going to put sleeping beauty? Do you have guest rooms?"

Ava let out an undignified huff, "Of course I do Tony!"

Tony smirked, "That are clean enough to put people in?"

Ava stopped mid-step and turned to look at him. "I hate you," she said as she stomped away.

"So we're all staying in your room tonight then?" he yelled after her. He laughed again as she answered him with a one finger salute. "That's my girl."

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_A/N: So… first off I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!_

_Questions? Complaints? Pat on the back you're doing great? Feed my ego people come on!_


	4. Chapter 4

Who I Was

"I think we should have Bruce come up."

"Oh, no, _No_," Ava stated as she walked around the dining room table, "Just because you miss your bro-hoe does not mean that I want to clean up the mess if he hulks out when he finds out about Loki."

Tony chuckled, "Bro-hoe? Cute. Seriously though Ava, we're out of our depths on this. He's been in and out of consciousness for about two weeks. He's still feverish, and it's saying something that I almost can't handle his nightmares." Tony sat, head propped up on one hand and the other rubbing his eyes, he said, "Whatever they consider 'punishment' in Asgard, and I do use that term loosely, sounds too much like torture, and I, we don't do torture."

Tony finished that statement, narrowing his eyes. Ava walked up behind him and threw herself against Tony's back. She wrapped her arms around him and sighed. "What if this has something to do with magic? Bruce wouldn't be able to help either. We need Thor, but something tells me that we won't hear from him for a while." Ava buried her head in-between Tony's shoulder blades. "Do you think that he's been on the run with Loki for the past year?"

"Would you get out of my head? I was just thinking the same thing. If that's the case, then no place is really safe for either of them."

Tony was cut off by the sound of rough coughing. Sighing he started to get up. Ava placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Tony, get some rest. I've got him for the time being."

He responded by dropping his head on the table and putting up a thumb. Ava chuckled. As she neared the door to the bedroom she heard a loud crash. She took off running, with Tony hot on her heals. When she entered the room she saw Loki on the floor trying to crawl to a corner clad in nothing but a pair of boxers. Ava gasped and ran to him. Loki cowered away from her touch when she reached out for him.

"No more…please…leave me be." He whispered before another painful cough shook his slight frame.

"Loki," Ava said as she crouched down beside him, "It's Ava, you remember me, right?"

"Ava," he whispered and then coughed as he spoke, "No, you cannot be here. You must run." He whimpered as he reached for her cheek. "I cannot protect you here."

Ava sighed sadly, this dream was a bad one. She pulled him into an embrace, "Loki, you're not in that place anymore. You're safe. Jarvis, 30% lights. Look around Loki, you're in my home. No one is going to hurt you here."

Loki looked around, things were in fact, different. He shrank slightly upon seeing Stark, trembling more than he was. He squeezed Ava in his fear. She in turn spoke soothingly towards him and ran her fingers through his hair. He slammed his eyes shut and tried to get lost in the comforting feel of the embrace he was in. He flinched every time he heard a footstep fall closer. He heard the popping of joints in front of him and clenched his eyes shut tighter. A warm hand was placed on his shoulder and he made a pathetic mewling sound.

"Loki, open your eyes, please," he heard Stark say to him. He asked? He didn't try to wrench him away from Ava? He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Stark. He looked tired and worn…and concerned, for him? "Hey there big guy, we need to get you back into the bed. You're still pretty sick." Loki sat staring at him dumbfounded. "You don't remember much of the last two and a half weeks, do you?"

"A fortnight, I've been here a fortnight?" he asked surprise in his voice.

"Yeh, and I'll say that you sound much more lucid than you were. Can you stand?"

"If you can't do it on your own, I can help." Ava said from beside him.

Loki coughed again, this time it wasn't as rough, but it was much weaker like a breath. Tony and Ava shared a look. Tony raised an eyebrow at her. Grumbling, she said, "Fine, go ahead. Just tell him it's me that's sick. When he gets here, let him know what's going on before you bring him inside, I'd rather him destroy part of the vineyards than my house."

Loki watched this interaction with raised eyebrows, and let out a startled laugh when Stark jumped up like a happy toddler and ran out of the room. He heard Ava complaining under her breath about lousy brothers and their hoe-bag friends. Surly he couldn't' have heard that right. He was so confused.

"Alight, we need to get you on your feet Loki. Then we can get something for you to eat, or drink if you don't want to eat. I'm afraid that you've wasted away down to almost nothing. You need to get something on your stomach."

Loki tried to stand after he'd gotten his feet under him. His legs shook with the effort and thankfully Ava was there to steady him. They made baby steps back to the bed and he allowed himself to drop onto it. Ava began covering him up, and then crawled up next to him. She held his hand while they lay there.

When she spoke next Loki wished that he had been asleep as to not hear what she had to say.

"Loki, I don't know how much you remember of your last trip to earth. There's no one else that we can call in for help due to your infamy." She slid down further next to him and hugged him. "We called Bruce to come in to take a look at you. He's a doctor you know…"

But Loki wasn't listening anymore. The beast…they called the beast. His breaths quickened, and he could feel all the congestion rattling around in his lungs… he started at her wide eyed as she spoke.

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A/N:

Hello all! I'm so sorry that I haven't updated sooner! Thank you for all the reviews and followers and favoriters! Being sick does truly SUCK!


	5. Chapter 5

Who I Was

It took a few tries to find out what Loki's stomach could tolerate. Ava had been force feeding him Gatorade and similar drinks with plenty of electrolytes in them, but his will to drink them was slipping. It had been getting harder for Loki to breathe, and while he was more coherent, he was completely lethargic. One couldn't even hear him speak without Jarvis having to relay what he was whispering. Tony had gone back to the tower to get a few things. He'd flown his Ironman suit there, and driven one of his SUV's back with his portable suit in tow and various supplies of the life saving variety. When they had finally gotten a hold of Bruce he had left the tower and gone back to India. There was some sort of disease breakout in the rural area that he'd sorted out a breakthrough on and wanted to begin the administration of the medicine himself to monitor the effects. It would be a few more days before Bruce could come.

Loki could barely stay awake more than 2-3 hours at a time now. He'd given up trying to talk at all and just lay starring off at the walls, the ceiling, or out the window. For all the sleep he seemed to be getting, his face was still hallowed and he had bruises under his eyes. He didn't fight Ava or Tony when they came in to take care of him. Ava was with him now trying to feed him. It seemed that Loki had given up on feeding himself as the last time he tried his hands and body shook so much with the effort that he wore more of the substances than consumed them. Ava stopped trying to lift the broth to his lips when she saw the first of the tears slide down his face.

"Loki?" she asked. "Do you want to talk about it?"

But Loki wasn't quite there with her. He didn't acknowledge her speaking or her presence.

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_Everything was blurry and overly bright. People were talking and he could hear that they were words, but he couldn't make them out. One male, one female, one smelled slightly of burning ozone while the other smelled of a flower garden. Images of both his mother and brother flew through his head and he relaxed somewhat. He felt the lips of the woman brush his forehead and cheeks, and then there was a hand in his as he felt himself be lifted. He was encompassed in a hug between the man and woman._

"_Be quick, be safe, and only stop for what you need."_

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_He is standing shackled and muzzled in front of Odin and barely on his feet. The beating he'd received from the Hulk weighed heavily on his body. Thor stood to his side, holding his arm. His body couldn't stay upright anymore and it swayed. He crashed down to his knees, and then the rest of his body slipped to the floor. Loki heard Gungnir echo through the throne room as Odin tried to recall order to the court. _

_As his vision began to fade, Thor hovered over him. He felt Thor's callused hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb over Loki's knuckles. _

"_Brother? Are you…" his vision faded to black._

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_Loki was terrified and wounded. He was on the Chitauri home world. The brokenness of the world around him as it floated in the nothingness always unnerved him. He was chained inside of a pit in the ground that was filled with some kind of liquid. It was too thick to be water which made having to tread it much more difficult. He'd been chained for days, but his feet didn't touch bottom, and he had to struggle constantly to keep his head above the substance. He was so very tired. He felt a burning heat rip through his body and everything went dark. _

_He awoke chained to a slab of rock, scratch that, he was pinned to the rock with spikes that tore through his hands. His magic felt like it was being siphoned off through them as he felt himself grow weaker. He then felt a new denseness in the air, a charge of electricity that made his nerves prickle. He allowed himself to smile. Thor had found him. Moments later he heard the tell-tale sound of boots smacking the ground at an immense velocity. He felt the spikes ripped from his hands and his body lifted, lovingly, carefully into strong arms. Loki whimpered when he heard the battle cry of the Chitauri._

"_Loki, look at me."_

_Loki opened his eyes and took in the sight that was his brother. He looked battle weary already. Thor cupped his cheek._

"_I am gladdened to have found you brother, but I must send you off. There is not much time. Find my friends, Loki. The Man of Iron, or Doctor Banner, they will be most sympathetic to you."_

_Thor took something from his pocket and placed it in Loki's. _

"_Use these when you get the chance. You look like Bilgesnipe droppings." Thor winked at him. He then pulled out a glowing stone and whispered to it. He tossed the stone slightly up in the air and took a few steps back. A wooded area showed in the portal._

"_I love you brother. Be well, I will find you." he whispered as he kissed Loki's forehead. _

_The Chitauri had finally made it to Loki's slab. Thor pushed Loki into the portal, even as the younger reached out for the older. With tears chasing down his cheeks he watched as the portal grew smaller and the little that he saw was Thor swinging his great hammer in battle._

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Loki opened his eyes gasping. He couldn't breathe, his chest was so heavy. He saw two faces above him as he was laid out on the bed. He quickly moved his arms to assess that he wasn't bound. That relief turned to panic when spots danced in his sight and his chest burned. A third face appeared and something was placed over his nose and mouth.

"Take deep breaths Loki. Try to hold it, this medicine will open up your airways so that you can breathe."

It seemed to take ages, but Loki was finally starting to feel like his body was getting the much needed oxygen. As he became more aware and things fell into focus he flinched. Banner was here already and he couldn't move his hands now.

"Shh, it's okay."

Loki looked to his side and saw Ava sitting next to him on the bed. He was drenched in sweat and his eyes were heavy.

"Don't do that again."

Loki looked to his other side and saw Stark sitting in a chair next to him. They each had one of his hands. His mind couldn't process all of this. The memories, or dreams that he'd had were confusing, but they sang true. He didn't feel hate for Thor anymore, just a longing that burned through his soul. He let his eyes slip closed and hoped that he would find real rest and that everything would make more sense when he woke.

OooOooOooOooOooOooOooO

_**A/N:**_

_**Ok.. I didn't mean to take this long with this chapter.. but hey, I'm finally finding a plot here! YAY! I went a little more serious in this one.. Thank you again to all my wonderful and patient readers! Without you, none of this would be possible! Reviews give me the motivation and muse to keep on keepin on! :D**_

_**I would also like to give a very sincere shout out and hug to **__**Loki-Reid-Joker-DIE **__** for throwing out a little promoting for my story! You should check hers out as well.. it's awesome! It's called Broken Glass!**_


	6. Chapter 6

Who I Was

Loki was slowly getting stronger. The walking pneumonia he'd contracted had wreaked havoc on his vocal cords. He was left with laryngitis and didn't seem to mind at all. He was still sleeping a lot, but he was more relaxed since the episode with the oxygen mask. Loki's eyes were no longer tracking slowly around at everything in a confused state. They were still glassy and he still had a slightly fevered look about him, but they were sharp, taking in every detail. Ava would come and read to him, a sentiment that he appreciated. Stark would come and talk to him about any random thing that crossed his mind – Loki was convinced he just liked hearing the sound of his own voice. The beast came to check on him regularly and he had to try not to crawl away from him when he came close. When no one was around he tried to focus on the broken memories he'd experienced. It frustrated him that he couldn't will the full memories to come.

His thoughts were interrupted by a giggling blur that streaked across his room and hid on the opposite side of the bed from the door. He quirked his eyebrow at Ava as she put a finger over her lips and shushed him. She carried with her a large weapon of a strange color that made a sloshing sound every time she moved. She was poorly trying to stifle her laughter as she crawled to a crouch preparing to jump out at whoever was looking for her. Loki groaned… he would get caught in the middle of whatever her and Stark were up to, it always happens. As if on cue, Stark came around the corner wearing what looked like his repulsors connected by wires coming from the light in his chest.

"Come out, come out, where ever you are." He sing-songed.

Loki gasped and sat up strait in his bed. His eyes were as wide as saucers as he starred at Stark. She'd finally done it - he was going to kill her. His face didn't match the threat though. Stark was wearing a face splitting grin.

"Hey, Gandalf, have you seen mini-me anywhere?"

Loki smirked at the reference as they'd watched The Lord of the Rings recently and shook his head.

"Alright, but if I find out that you're hiding her, you're not Switzerland anymore."

Loki just shrugged his shoulders, not understanding the old political reference. He didn't aid Ava, he left her to be found on her own. Her giggling would surely give her away. Stark was clearly more enamored with his new gadget to pay attention to the childish squeals of his younger sibling. When he at last turned away from the room, Ava stood up and tip-toed quickly behind Stark. He had two tanks attached to his back full of a liquid substance. She pulled up her weapon took aim and before she could shoot, several multicolored balls came from the other side of Loki's bed exploding on impact, dousing both Stark and Ava in, water?

Ava wailed in defeat and Stark turned around with an expectant glint in his eye. He raised his repulsors and fired at Ava, completely missing the good doctor that was still throwing water balloons at the both of them.

When they both ran out of water, Bruce said, "Jarvis, now!"

A compartment in the ceiling opened up and two buckets more of balloons tumbled out making sure that the two siblings were thoroughly saturated.

"I win," Bruce said crossing his arms and starring at Ava and Tony.

"But you weren't even playing!" Stark whined.

"Keep your shenanigans away from my patient and his room."

Loki looked up at the doctor with a new found respect and understanding. Bruce wasn't going to hurt him, he took his profession as a healer seriously, though Loki was supposed to be an enemy.

Even though he looked thoroughly chastised Stark yelled over Ava's shoulder, "This means war Brucie!" Ava just kept pushing him away from the room. "Jarvis, you traitor!"

"I'm hurt sir, truly."

"Of all the idiotic things he's done," Bruce was muttering to himself.

Loki voice was harsh and grating as he asked, "Why? Why protect me?"

Bruce raised his brow seeming to be confused for a moment, "You don't know?"

Loki shook his head.

"Thor asked us to."

Loki went wide eyed at that. Thor had come here, and hadn't seen him or said anything to him? He clutched the blanket closer to his chest to try and rid the tightness that was threatening to overwhelm him.

"Wha- How?"

Bruce sat on the edge of the bed and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"There was a pouch in your pocket full of odd stones, there was a letter in it as well, addressed to both Tony and I. Thor was taking an awful risk that we would be the ones to find you, and that we could translate it."

"May I see…" Loki's dry throat betrayed him as he curled up on himself while he coughed.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea Loki."

"Why not?" Loki groaned out.

Bruce looked at him contemplatively. "You need to focus on getting better, then you can worry about that."

Loki was aware that time passed faster on Midgard, but for every day in Midgard two passed on the Chitauri home world. His last memory before being pushed through the portal was being there and Thor saving him. He was fuzzy on how long he had been here being cared for by this small dysfunctional family. he felt the anger bubbling inside of him. Bruce noticed a change in Loki's disposition and stayed quiet. Loki's posture straitened and his emerald eyes shone a brilliant green that could only come by magic. Even from his sickbed Loki proved an intimidating figure. Bruce being Bruce was barely fazed until Loki spoke and caught green sparks coming from his fingertips.

"You will tell me what has happened to the Odi… to my brother mortal, or I will pull the beast out of you myself!"

Loki's eyes flashed dangerously, but his sickness had weakened him, his pallor was slightly grey and sweat beaded everywhere. Bruce held up his hands in a non-threatening manner.

"Loki, please calm down. We don't even know what's happened to Thor. The letter just tells us what you've gone through, and what he's gone through to find you, and that he may not be able to come see you for a very long time depending on what ever has happened to him. It was written before he made it to you. Either he's been captured, or he's trying to throw the scent off of where he sent you until you're healed enough to defend yourself."

Loki had made it to a standing position, but these new findings carried so much weight to them that he collapsed to the floor with a wail of despair. Bruce knelt down beside him and placed his hand on Loki's bare back. His skin was on fire again.

Bruce sighed, "You wouldn't be able to read it anyway Loki, there was a spell on it or something that only allows mortals to read it. Anyone who tries to hold it that is not human, the words, well, runes, disappear. Jarvis couldn't even see them. Apparently there are some that are so untrustworthy that he doesn't want them to know anything in that letter."

Loki looked up at him with barley veiled sadness as his eyes were full of tears that were about to spill. He looked like a scared child in this state. Bruce pulled him close into a hug, where he felt small tremors wrack Loki's frame. Loki's arms hesitantly wound around Bruce's body as his sobs got louder and more desperate.

"Loki, it'll be alright. We're going to do everything in our power to keep you safe. You're not alone."

Bruce drug his fingers through Loki's hair in a effort to comfort him. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours until Loki's sobs were under control.

"Come on big guy, let's get you back in the bed. Tomorrow we'll try to get you on your feet and moving around a little bit."

Loki nodded and allowed Bruce to help him up. After he'd placed the covers back over Loki, he felt Loki's fingers around his wrist. Bruce couldn't tell if Loki was blushing, or if it was the fever talking when he asked Bruce to get Ava. Bruce just smiled it would be good for him to be around her right now. She wasn't the anti-Tony, but she wasn't self absorbed like her brother either.

_Author's Note:_

_I'm not going to make excuses about my absence… although there are plenty… Sickness, a wedding, writer's block, a break-up… these past few months have been terrible and wonderful. I will try to update more frequently. I am sorry for my tardiness… I hope you enjoyed. :D_


	7. Chapter 7

Who I Was

Chapter 7

Ava had just toweled off and changed clothes when Bruce told her that Loki wanted her. She smiled, she was glad that he was starting to talk again. Making a right in the hallway she walked into the kitchen. She gathered some apple slices and a mug of hot chocolate before disappearing back down the hallway. Ava wasn't prepared for the sight that met her eyes when she went into Loki's room. He was curled on his side, looking sickly again, and had a haunted expression that made her feel uneasy.

"Loki?"

Ava placed the tray she was carrying down on the nightstand next to him. She crouched down in front of him so she was eye level. Loki had un-spilt tears in his eyes as he starred out into nothing. Over the last weeks Loki slowly started to open up to her. She didn't claim to understand why, though she thought maybe it had something to do with her showing him kindness before and immediately after she learned who he was. She didn't want him to feel alone, or uncared for. Ava let out a sigh and brought her hand to his cheek.

"Hey, you alright in there," she asked softly.

Loki closed his eyes and the tears that threatened to spill fell. He shook his head and tried to ball himself up again. Ava sighed and kicked off her shoes. She slipped under the covers as he just stared at her. She held out her arms and Loki slowly uncurled himself to latch onto her. He didn't realize just how badly his body was shaking until he felt her arms encircle his body. He felt the tears coming again as he tried to hold them back, but when Ava's hand moved from his back to the nape of his neck, the familiar sentiment made him break down. Ava wasn't shy when it came to giving affection, she cuddled him closer. When his sobs died down again, he whispered about the letter.

"Bruce said something about it, didn't he?"

Loki only nodded his head, and Ava started to play with his hair. "We were only just able to translate it a few days ago. Someone had to hold the damn thing the entire time, the runes disappeared every time it was put down, and Jarvis couldn't even see what was on the parchment." Ava paused in her speech. "Thor loves you very much and he would never abandon you, at least not for very long and not without reason. If any reason at all was a good one," Ava let out a disgusted huff. "Letters…why do people always choose to leave letters? I'm so sick of letters. Why can't people just say what needs to be said? That's how I found out that I wasn't an only child." Ava took her hand from Loki's back and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Shield thought it would be for the best for Tony to believe that Mom had perished in the car accident that killed our father. Only no one knew that Mom was pregnant with me until Shield took her to one of their facilities."

Every time Ava mentioned Shield she became more and more angry.

"They gave her a new identity – I always knew there was something missing in our lives though, I never thought it would be a brother. Immediately after New York, mom had a massive heart attack. That's when Shield decided to come into my life. They brought me file upon file of mom's life with dad, and I had a brother, a brilliant sibling that I'd never even met. They did the same with Tony – and we both received apology letters from mom explaining everything. Needless to say, Tony and I aren't Shield's biggest fans at the moment. The only agents we let anywhere near us are Natasha, Clint, and Coulson."

Ava could hear Loki's sharp intake of breath. "He lives?" was the question that was whispered.

Ava smiled, "He does." She felt Loki burry his head with a whispered good.

Ava and Loki both flinched when they heard another voice.

"Was the history lesson necessary? Those were things that…it was in the past, I don't' like delving into the past."

"Well, if you hadn't been lurking, you wouldn't have heard any of it."

"Not the point! It's my story too."

Ava pulled an extra pillow off the bed and threw it at Tony. "Oh, shut up. You're just bitching for the sake of bitching now! That's the point!"

Tony caught the pillow and threw it back at her. "Whatever." He muttered as he walked out of the room.

"Almost twenty years older than me and he acts like the baby!"

Ava sighed and threw her head back against the headboard – hard.

"So, yeh, that's why letters suck."

Loki started to chuckle a bit at that, then went strangely silent, "Do you think that you could read it to me, or whatever translation you have of it? My memories are far from strait since before I left here in chains."

"Hell, I haven't read it. I don't even know where it is. I think Bruce is the only one to have read it, he translated it."

"Ah." Was all Loki said.

"Doesn't mean we can't try for it, but, it's better to do that tomorrow. You're supposed to be on your feet at some point then. If you're not too unsteady we could snoop around Bruce's stuff."

"Ehh…I really don't want him angry at me."

"Nonsense, it'll be fine. Just get rested up, you have a big day tomorrow."

Ava stayed there with him for a long while, so long in fact that she'd fallen asleep with him. Tony walked by a bit later and caught the sight of them. He smiled fondly and snapped a picture of the two of them. It was sweet and he wondered how often the two of them did this. His smile then changed to something more wicked as he tucked his phone away.

While Loki and Ava slept, the holds on information were loosening ever so much to Loki. That night he dreamt of blue eyes and thunder clouds.

_Author notes:_

_Ah, my sweets, I have not forgotten you… my body just doesn't want to keep itself healthy. It's very sad. I hope this chapter answers some of the question that have been out there about Tony and Ava's relationship. _


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